


Thor Talk

by Rozilla



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Awesome Jane Foster, Darcy's flirting hard with the giant blonde goddess, F/F, Female Thor (Marvel), Gen, I hate that but it'll do for this fic, Jane Foster is the Mighty Thor, Jane is Worthy, that is also still her friend/former boss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-31
Updated: 2019-01-31
Packaged: 2019-10-20 03:15:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17614367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rozilla/pseuds/Rozilla
Summary: ‘Um… If that’s really Jane,’ Darcy folded her arms ‘what’s your social security number?’‘By Odin’s beard!’ The woman threw up her arms and almost dented Darcy’s ceiling ‘Such knowledge is beyond my ken!’Darcy sniggered ‘Yeah, that seems legit- although you sound like a Shakespearean word salad.’‘Aye,’ Jane sighed ‘though it pains me, but once I lifted the hammer, my diction is that of Asgard. It would seem a condition of my… condition.’Jane gestured about herself, glancing at her own arms as if she’d only just remembered she had biceps like a sack of grapefruits.‘It is most… unfortunate. I sound rather ridiculous.’‘I dunno,’ Darcy cocked her head ‘sounds kinda hot to be honest.’





	Thor Talk

**Author's Note:**

> Some of this won't make any sense if you haven't read 'Cosmic Quest: Volume 2' and you should like RIGHT NOW.

When Darcy first entered her kitchen and saw the over six-foot tall blonde woman with huge arms, she threw her phone in shock. It only survived by a miracle, allowing the woman to hold out her hand in surrender and plead her case.

‘Darcy! It’s me!’ The woman said, quickly, in a gorgeous baritone ‘It’s Jane!’

That gave Darcy pause. Now she had time to take in the armour- distinctly Asgardian. From the decorative yet tough looking breast plate, to the leather looking girdle and long red cloak, to the winged decal on the boots. The woman’s face was half obscured by a helmet, also decorated with wings, but the lips were full and decorated in a colour that Darcy would call ‘Blood of my Enemies.’

This woman was  _ not  _ Jane Foster. Not even a little.

‘What?’ Darcy croaked before composing herself ‘You’re who that what now?’

‘I’m Jane,’ the woman gave up and grasped the helmet, carefully removing it ‘It appears that I… am worthy.’

Okay, now that Darcy could see her face properly- including the distinctive beauty spot on her left cheek- there was a resemblance, no doubt. Jane’s olive skin, Jane’s jawline, the cheekbones… Except the eyes were blue now- deep blue, like a sky before a thunderstorm. 

‘Here, look,’ new Jane held up her other hand, the muscular arm covered with a vambrace and a long sleeve that barely obscured the biceps Darcy had to try and stop looking at. There it was. Grasped in one mighty fist. Mew-Mew.

‘Um… If that’s really Jane,’ Darcy folded her arms ‘what’s your social security number?’

‘By Odin’s beard!’ The woman threw up her arms and almost dented Darcy’s ceiling ‘Such knowledge is beyond my ken!’

Darcy sniggered ‘Yeah, that seems legit- although you sound like a Shakespearean word salad.’

‘Aye,’ Jane sighed ‘though it pains me, but once I lifted the hammer, my diction is that of Asgard. It would seem a condition of my… condition.’

She gestured about herself, glancing at her own arms as if she’d only just remembered she had biceps like a sack of grapefruits. 

‘It is most… unfortunate. I sound rather ridiculous.’

‘I dunno,’ Darcy cocked her head ‘sounds kinda hot to be honest.’

To her surprise, Jane’s cheeks flushed.

‘Must you good friend Darcy?’

‘Oh yeah,’ Darcy grinned ‘this is amazing.’

‘If you say so.’

‘C’mon, you look… well, amazing. Do you have washboard abs now? Can I see?’

‘No!’ Jane covered her middle with the arm carrying Mjolnir, narrowly avoiding the fridge ‘I mean… I have yet to check.’

‘God  _ damn _ ,’ Darcy got closer to the hammer ‘that thing gave you one hell of a makeover- though it seems to only have one setting. Not that I’m complaining.’

‘I do not understand how or why,’ Jane relaxed her hackles, her tone softening ‘nor what happened to the previous master of this hammer. I know not what has become of Thor.’

Darcy held out a hand and gently touched Jane’s forearm. She flinched when a bolt of static stung her fingertips.

‘Apologies,’ Jane said.

‘Hey… no problem…’ Darcy sighed ‘as for Thor… just cause you have the hammer doesn’t mean he’s… not okay. It could just be he’s unworthy again? I mean, he must be right?’

‘Which means he is mortal once more! And vulnerable! I must find him-’ Jane started for the back door, but Darcy caught her arm. It was like grasping a steel column. 

_ Holy shit _ , Darcy thought, _ just like his. _

‘Hold up, do you have any idea where he is?’

‘No but-’

‘And doesn’t Asgard have that All Seeing Eye Guy? Handel?’

‘Heimdal,’ Jane corrected, irritated.

‘Right- if he could see you, wouldn’t he tell Thor and like… beam you up? Or something?’

‘Yes… in a sense, but he has not. Therefore… something is rotten in Asgard.’

‘Okay Hamlett, cool your jets and just… wait,’ Darcy ordered, aware that if Jane really wanted to leave, Darcy hadn’t a hope in Hell of stopping her. She only had persuasion and a calm tone. She’d negotiated all sorts for the nascent Science Avengers- surely a former mortal scientist, now an Asgardian goddess, wasn’t a complete lost cause right?

‘Maybe… maybe he gave it up,’ Darcy suggested, lamely ‘maybe he’s… done being Thor.’

‘That cannot be!’ Jane scoffed ‘He wouldn’t-’

‘After what happened? After that battle… we all saw it,’ Darcy remembered the Waters of Sight and shuddered ‘Just… let’s start from the beginning. How did you find the hammer?’

‘It… I was…’ Jane melting from anger to embarrassment put Darcy’s hackles up immediately ‘I was in Norway.’

‘You left the country without saying anything? For real?’ Darcy snapped ‘We  _ talked _ about this-’

‘I dreamt… I dreamt of the hammer, lying in pieces… broken,’ Jane went on, softly ‘in a way that felt closer to those visions I had in the Aether… suggesting that these were images bore true in the waking world.’

‘God it’s like listening to a DM who’s  _ way to into it _ ,’ Darcy grit her teeth and rubbed her temples ‘sorry, go on.’

‘So I travelled on to Norway, to a remote coast with my instruments of mortal science-’ she stopped and gave Darcy a look of defeat ‘look this is as frustrating for me, I detest sounding so unlike myself but… I know not how to stop.’

‘Fine.’

‘And I found… pieces. Fragments amongst the grass, cast aside like mere refuse… a most deplorable end for so fine a weapon.’

Darcy didn’t think she could take much more.

‘And I picked up the pieces before finding the handle and… there was a voice… one I recalled… Thor’s voice. Soft… sad…’ 

Darcy let sympathy and her own concern settle her a little.

‘He said…If she be worthy. Over and over. I thought at first I was simply dreaming once more but… I was compelled to gather those pieces and return them to my temporary lodgings. Erik-’

‘ _ Erik knows about this _ ?!’ Darcy spluttered.

‘He was already there, he let me lodge with him,’ Jane hurried on ‘I was able to pick up those pieces… but he could not. Then… one night… they reformed. I was able to lift the new hammer and… here I am.’

Darcy could tell there were huge chunks of that story missing, but she was beyond caring right then.

‘Can you change back?’ She asked.

Jane shrugged ‘I know not how.’

‘You must be able to right? What if you’re stuck like that?’

Jane looked down at herself ‘The new height shall take much getting used to.’

‘But… aren’t you concerned? Like… what this is doing to you? What if it’s draining your life force or something?’

Jane shrugged again ‘You seemed rather unconcerned about my condition when you were admiring my new form.’

‘Yeah, well, now I’m actually engaging my brain,’ Darcy nodded to the hammer ‘how is it able to do this? What broke it in the first place? How do we know this isn’t like… a trick or something?’

‘I know not.’

‘Oh my God!’ Darcy ground her teeth ‘Oh my inner English nerd is hurting so bad… I mean, that voice is sexy as Hell, but that diction is driving me bananas.’

‘You never seemed to mind Thor speaking thusly.’

‘No… Guess not, but he learned to speak Earth.’

‘It would seem this voice is but part of this form.’

‘The armour came with this,’ she waved a hand at Jane’s body ‘I’m guessing?’

‘Thor was able to summon his own armour upon his body, I would guess this is the same enchantment.’

‘Where did it like, materialise from? You can’t just-’

‘I would explain it but I fear you would not enjoy it. You already look so pained by my speech good friend Darcy.’

‘Ugh you’re right,’ Darcy admitted ‘okay. So. Thor might be… alive. We’re assuming he survived because God help us if he didn’t.’

Jane nodded.

‘But maybe he… upgraded- that hammer he was holding did  _ not  _ look like Mjolnir.’

‘You speak the truth,’ Jane agreed.

‘Hmm, so, maybe… this hammer is like, Mjolnir being rebooted? But… why you?’

‘Pardon?’ Jane looked a little hurt.

‘No offense but… what makes you worthy?’ 

That gave Jane pause.

‘I… I know not.’

‘Really?’

Darcy felt it again- Jane was a terrible liar in general, but she was okay at lying by omission. There was something she wasn’t letting on. 

‘How did Thor become re-worthy before? Back in New Mexico’ Darcy asked, innocently.

‘He… showed himself willing to lay down his life for the innocent.’

‘Wasn’t the Vision worthy as well?’

Jane blew out a breath ‘He was a machine but also one part created by Thor’s hand… he passed his worthiness unto the Vision, albeit unintentionally, but... Vision also had the power of an infinity stone within him.’

‘Right,’ Darcy scratched her chin ‘so… is that how you’re able to pick up that hammer?’

Jane said nothing.

‘What happened Jane? You’re not exactly the queen of self-preservation. You threw yourself on an unconscious literal God when he was about to get crushed by a spaceship. Plus, didn’t you walk around with an infinity stone like... in you for a week?’

‘As did Erik.’

‘Yeah but… he committed a ton of evil acts- against his will! Obviously, but that probably rules you out of being worthy I’m guessing.’

‘I know not the mind of Mjolnir,’ Jane lifted it and it seemed to Darcy she was looking at it as if it had eyes she could gaze into ‘I know not how it weighs the worthiness of a soul.’

‘You’re talking like it’s… alive.’

‘It could well be,’ Jane whispered, almost to herself.

‘So much to unpack here…’ Darcy muttered ‘but… point is- he’s not here for the hammer. You have it now. Maybe before you go running after him-  _ again _ \- you should… take stock.’

Jane stood, unmoving, considering this.

‘I mean… you could be a huge help to undoing the Decimation… and if you go running off and fighting something before you even know what you’re doing… just… maybe…’ Darcy sighed and gave up ‘I don’t know. I just think you should maybe think all this through. As immediately awesome as being the lady version of your ex-boyfriend is, you should still like… consider all the potential pitfalls of being a literal goddess who could probably crush a steel bar like a coke can.’

Jane smiled and Darcy couldn’t help but melt a little.

‘Besides,’ she continued ‘if you do see Thor again he might get all… bitter about you being him.’

‘He wouldn’t…’ Jane began.

‘He’s a good man, don’t get me wrong but… he probably lost a lot of people he cared about in the decimation. He’s already hurting right?’

Jane nodded ‘Aye. He’s lost more than he could ever deserve.’

‘Then maybe parading around with his hammer and his look could be… bad.’

Jane’s smile grew a little sad, but she nodded in firm agreement.

‘Of course… such level headed reason, much to your credit good lady Darcy-’

‘I swear by your non-existent beard if you keep talking like that I’ll brain you with a bar stool.’

‘Apologies.’

Darcy gave up ‘In the meantime… can I  _ please  _ see if you have abs?’

Jane rolled her eyes ‘I have. I glanced upon the mighty planes of my stomach not five minutes before I arrived.’

‘Nice!’ Darcy giggled ‘God you must be shredded under there… but- sorry, priorities. Yeah. We need to talk to Erik. I’m assuming he doesn’t know about this otherwise he’d be blowing up my phone.’

‘No one does, save for you.’

‘Oh…’ Darcy felt flattered ‘thanks.’

‘I could not lie to you… nor hide this from you,’ Jane went on ‘Thor would not tell me so much and it broke my heart and… frustrated me beyond rekoning that he would not trust me with his secrets. All out of some misguided attempt to keep me, his mere mortal love, safe. I know he thought it necessary but- it made me feel lesser.’

‘You’re not telling me everything though,’ Darcy pointed out.

‘No… and I  _ shall  _ tell you everything,’ Jane assured her ‘but first… I must return to Erik’s lodgings in Norway. I shall take you with me.’

‘Wait- first off, you just… left Norway? Does that mean-’

‘I can fly.’

‘Holy  _ shit _ ,’ Darcy practically left the floor herself in glee ‘you can do the spinny hammer thing!’

‘Naturally,’ Jane preened only a little ‘and I can fly you there too. There is much I must discuss with both of you.’

‘What about everyone else?’

‘Though they are my comrades in the pursuit of knowledge… I know them not half as well as you and Erik. I’ll tell them next. You two are… more to me. You deserve to know first.’

Darcy had a feeling she’d need to get her laughs in now. That tone… it sounded so grave no amount of gentle ribbing about Jane’s Medieval Times speak was going to cushion this blow. 

‘So… can you curse?’

Jane raised an immaculate eyebrow. Who’d’ve guessed the hammer also fixed your brows?

‘I… can,’ Jane said, carefully.

‘Really? Say ‘ass’.’

Jane looked as though she were chewing something unpleasant for a moment before saying ‘Arse.’

‘Oh my God…’

‘Backside.’

‘This is amazing,’ Darcy snorted ‘okay- try… crap? Shit? Son of a bitch? Oh my God?’

Jane tried ‘Ymir’s Teeth! Curses! Bilgsnipe! Odin’s Beard! I say thee NAY!’

Darcy couldn’t breathe for laughing ‘Oh this is amazing! Okay, I take it all back, I love this. I never want this to end!’

Jane folded her arms ‘So I take it you shall be do enraptured in your mirth that you shall be unable to fly?’

‘No! No I wanna fly- wait, you’re… what, going to carry me?’

‘Yes.’

‘Like Thor did with you?’

‘Indeed.’

‘Oh… excellent.’

There was something to be said about being engulfed in the arms of a god-like being, flying over the Arctic sea towards Norway- even if the height was a little terrifying. Though perhaps it would all be awkward once they figured out how to make Jane  _ Jane _ again. For now, Darcy just… enjoyed the ride. 

 

It turned out that what Jane had to tell her, once her goddess form melted what was heartbreaking, and no amount of ridiculous cod-Shakespeare affectations would make it sound any better.


End file.
